I would like a space that I can just say whatever I want without fear of judgment from my friends, however irrational this fear may be - logically I know I should just be myself and not CARE what people think, but I do anyway. This blog is linked to my Facebook, where 99% of my friends (and a couple of family members) can read it. It is my public face, something we all have, whether we want to admit it or not.
The reason for my private blog is so that I can test the waters and experiment with certain thoughts and feelings with total strangers (if anyone at all - I doubt very few, if any, will look into my blog among the thousands, millions of others online) until I feel confident enough in said thoughts and feelings to merge them with my public self. In other words, I am going to go "find myself." By myself. You're not invited (yet). Sorry.
It's just that I'm just sick of being so effing insecure, and I'm going to do something about it. It's high time that I start understanding, accepting, and even loving, who I am. So, while I will continue to post here from time to time to update you wonderful people with what's up in my life, I'm going to reserve my more insecure moments (which are most of my moments, at this point) for my "secret spot."
Peace and love,
Melanie
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