I moved back to Denton as of yesterday. This was a difficult decision to make, because it meant leaving Travis in Shreveport for the time being. Have we broken up? Far from it. We're as in love as ever, which is fantastic; however, that's exactly why this has been hard. Otherwise, it was kind of a no-brainer.
See, the film thing wasn't quite panning out. While Infamous was an incredibly fun project, and I got to be an extra in two movies, Butter (slated to come out in 2012) and Vampires Suck (comes out on Tuesday!!!), film work seemed to dry up a bit after that, and I just don't think I have enough fire in me to "go after it." So, I had to get a day job at Target. Not a bad job, but I wasn't scheduled for enough hours to hardly feed Travis and I both, much less make enough to save for our own place. Living with John was starting to get way too stressful - he's got a lot of financial problems on his plate, and Travis and I were not able to pull our own weight. On top of that, I missed Denton, its inhabitants, and the community projects going on like crazy.
So here I am, back to living with my parents. Which isn't too bad, since my parents are the coolest parents in the universe. The plan is to get a job and put back the majority of each paycheck until I have enough saved up for Travis and I to get our own place. Whether said place will be in Denton or Shreveport has yet to be decided, but we have a little while to figure that out. I'd rather not move back to Shreveport, but we shall see.
I kind of want to go back to school. Maybe next fall.
Living in Shreveport, while miserable, was a very important learning experience for me. I realize that my priorities are not suited for the life I was attempting to live. I always thought that creating, learning, doing, etc. were a priority for me.... and they ARE; however, things like financial stability, family, friends, and staying connected to my roots are much more important to me than any career ever will be. I hope someday to strike the right balance of these things in my life.
Right now, I have lots of plans, big and small, for what I want to do. Besides the getting a job and saving money to reunite with Travis bit, I want to do the next FBT show. I want to write a novel. I want to, while I'm here, make my bedroom a badass place to hang out in. I want to spend a lot of time with all of my friends.
Life, for me, isn't about how I make my money. It's about the time I spend with who I care about, whether they care about me just as much or not. And yes, it's about creating - but who's to say that a community theatre show isn't as important as a major motion picture? You're still creating, and you still have an audience to reach out and touch. Life is meaningless if I spend time being miserable just in hope that something good will come of it some day. Life is meant to be lived today. The Mayans might have had it wrong - the apocalypse could very well be tomorrow.
I hope not, though - it's only a week till my 20th birthday!
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