Read my poetry!!!

Okay, sorry for the shameless self-promotion, BUT...

I've got a site where you can view my poetry. Which you totally should. And bookmark it, while you're at it.

http://hellopoetry.com/poet/melanie-welch/

I don't have a lot up yet, but I think if I have a place where people actually expect me to post my poems, I might actually write more. I also am feeling encouraged to go hunting through all the random scraps of paper and notebooks I own to amass together all of my previously existing poetry (the ones that don't completely suck, anyway) into one place.

Wow, I'm actually starting to feel like a real poet now.

YAY POETRY!!!

Drood and stuff

Well, even after a terrible, terrible audition I managed to score a chorus role in DCT's production of "Drood." I'm sure I'll have lots of fun, and I'll rinse the rust off of my chops while dancing off a few pounds.

I *think* I'm going to get the job at Integrated Alliance. I hope so...

...Because any money I can get will be a wonderful thing.

And I miss Travis with everything I've got.

In the meantime, I've got to keep writing and drawing. I'm really terrible about just sitting on the computer all day long doing absolutely nothing. I managed a small poem today, but that's so not enough. I need to freakin' WRITE. (Or draw.)

Also, I am of the opinion that Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman are THE COOLEST couple in the universe. Just sayin'.

Whoa. Busy week much?

Of course, I move back to Denton, and it's like "HOLYSHITLOTSASTUFFTODO."

I'm still not even remotely done setting up my room. My poor mother is DYING for me to clean out the closet, but I'm afraid to touch it without first donning a complete and functional Hazmat suit.

I have so not applied for enough jobs.

Suddenly, I have found myself applying for Texas Woman's University here in town at the last minute.

Annnnd, I have only seen a handful of the wonderful people I love and have missed.

I've seen two movies in the theater in the past week, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and Vampires Suck. Absolutely adored Scott Pilgrim! Vampires Suck was okay, I did laugh a little, and it was ultimately redeemed by the fact that I'M IN IT (for a split second, but hey, still cool). This is amazing for me, since I don't think before this week I'd even seen two movies in the theater in the past year.

I've also been watching the news, since Dad always leaves it on during the day. I could totally rant about a few issues... but I don't want to make this post ridiculously huge like the last one.

I'm going to see Denton Community Theatre's production of The Producers this evening. Should be lots of fun, it's gotten plenty of rave reviews. I'm still trying give away my extra ticket, but it appears that I'm nowhere near as popular as I thought.... *facepalm*

Oh yeah, it's also my 20th birthday on Sunday. I still haven't made plans. It'll probably just involve a lot of shuffling around the house in my PJs, refusing to do anything productive because it's my birthday. Then evening will roll around, and I'll try to find someone to hang out with, only to find that they're all busy. Am I getting all mopey about it? Not really. I'm just in this really weirdly blunt, deadpan mood.

Mmkay, well, off to the theatre.

Long time no see

It has been an incredibly long time since I last posted... and I'd like to NOT do that again. So... here's what's up, I suppose.

I moved back to Denton as of yesterday. This was a difficult decision to make, because it meant leaving Travis in Shreveport for the time being. Have we broken up? Far from it. We're as in love as ever, which is fantastic; however, that's exactly why this has been hard. Otherwise, it was kind of a no-brainer.

See, the film thing wasn't quite panning out. While Infamous was an incredibly fun project, and I got to be an extra in two movies, Butter (slated to come out in 2012) and Vampires Suck (comes out on Tuesday!!!), film work seemed to dry up a bit after that, and I just don't think I have enough fire in me to "go after it." So, I had to get a day job at Target. Not a bad job, but I wasn't scheduled for enough hours to hardly feed Travis and I both, much less make enough to save for our own place. Living with John was starting to get way too stressful - he's got a lot of financial problems on his plate, and Travis and I were not able to pull our own weight. On top of that, I missed Denton, its inhabitants, and the community projects going on like crazy.

So here I am, back to living with my parents. Which isn't too bad, since my parents are the coolest parents in the universe. The plan is to get a job and put back the majority of each paycheck until I have enough saved up for Travis and I to get our own place. Whether said place will be in Denton or Shreveport has yet to be decided, but we have a little while to figure that out. I'd rather not move back to Shreveport, but we shall see.

I kind of want to go back to school. Maybe next fall.

Living in Shreveport, while miserable, was a very important learning experience for me. I realize that my priorities are not suited for the life I was attempting to live. I always thought that creating, learning, doing, etc. were a priority for me.... and they ARE; however, things like financial stability, family, friends, and staying connected to my roots are much more important to me than any career ever will be. I hope someday to strike the right balance of these things in my life.

Right now, I have lots of plans, big and small, for what I want to do. Besides the getting a job and saving money to reunite with Travis bit, I want to do the next FBT show. I want to write a novel. I want to, while I'm here, make my bedroom a badass place to hang out in. I want to spend a lot of time with all of my friends.

Life, for me, isn't about how I make my money. It's about the time I spend with who I care about, whether they care about me just as much or not. And yes, it's about creating - but who's to say that a community theatre show isn't as important as a major motion picture? You're still creating, and you still have an audience to reach out and touch. Life is meaningless if I spend time being miserable just in hope that something good will come of it some day. Life is meant to be lived today. The Mayans might have had it wrong - the apocalypse could very well be tomorrow.

I hope not, though - it's only a week till my 20th birthday!

Extra, extra, read all about it.

Another droning update of my life. Yay!

Worked as an extra for LA Art Film last week. Due to the confidentiality agreement, I am not allowed to say pretty much anything about the film itself. I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to say that I worked on it at all, but I figure that I can talk about my experience as an extra, because I figure that's an experience that could pertain to any big-budget film.

It was pretty much like being in high school - the majority of the extras were college-aged, but not quite the type to be in college, or to have even graduated high school. One extra I spoke to said that I was the only person he'd talked to/hung out with that had a high school diploma. Granted, there were at least 200 extras, but like I said, a good portion of them were like this. They were loud, disrespectful, lazy, and often downright rude. Very immature. The work itself was miserable; on my feet for most of the twelve hours I worked two of the days, and seventeen (yes, count 'em, seventeen) hours I worked the first day. But that's okay - the overtime pay ROCKED.

And, above all, it was way cool to be on a real set, to watch how real movies were made. It was neat to stand next to some big names (again, I can't say who, and I don't even want to hint about it), and I had a lot of fun when the camera was actually rolling. :-)

Infamous just keeps getting leaps and bounds better with every episode, but I'm to find a better marketing strategy, because our numbers are starting to drop. Which is so not cool, now that the series is not just good, but practically AWESOME.

And as for my personal time, I'm delving deeper into Paganism, trying to manage life without any money to speak of, and attempting to get my butt in gear over my writing.

Soooo.... life is cool, I guess. Travis is a sweetheart. John is a total saint. And that's the long and the short of it.

Best weekend of my life.

Last weekend in Denton was everything I had hoped it would be and more. I got to hang out with nearly everyone important in my life, and Half Empty was bloody brilliant. Caleb, Hannah, and Dara gave me something I will cherish for the rest of my life, and for that I will forever be grateful to them. I keep saying this, but I'll say it again: Saturday was the best night of my life, and it really showed me who my true friends are. Those that took part in bringing my words - words of a most personal nature to me - to life, were at the top of the list, but even those that showed up and watched it, and those that attended the wonderful party afterwards, definitely proved themselves to be caring and wonderful friends that I will always keep close to my heart. Deni and I flat out bawled our eyes out at the end of the show. The party was full of fun merriment, and it seemed like everyone actually cared about what I was saying whenever I opened my mouth. I am overwhelmed at how many people seem to care about me - ME, of all people! - and I hold nothing back in returning the warmth and love! Thank you EVERYONE - you made me feel like I actually have a place in this world, and words cannot express the gratitude I have for all of it. You are all so important to me, and I love each and every last one of you.

A big thank you goes to my parents for financing my wonderful weekend. They drove all the way to Shreveport, picked Travis and I up, and turned right around to drive back to Denton. They were kind enough to host the mega awesome cast party. Mom bought me TONS of food, for both the weekend and groceries for when I returned... plus restocked all of my hygiene products, bought me a couple of cute shirts and a belt, and then the BIGGIE - a whole new laptop(!), since my old one crapped out on me last week. Then Dad was a champ for making the round trip all over again when Travis and I had to go back. Holy crap, I have the coolest parents ever!

Well, now that I'm back in Shreveport, it's back to Infamous. I'm really excited about Episode 7 airing on Monday, with my first scene, and this weekend we're shooting Episodes 8 & 9... and I quickly become an important character! Shooting, though, is going to be stressful to the max, because we have a lot of ground to cover. So, I'm going to log off, go over my lines, and chill out to prepare for the hectic weekend ahead. :-)

Peace and love, everyone.

Denton town, the life of a budding playwright, and such

This weekend I'm headed to Denton to see my show, Half Empty, as part of Fight Boy Theatre's Feast of Plays. I am wicked excited. My mom (a total goddess) has graciously helped plan a weekend to remember for me. Aside from just being in my beloved hometown and seeing all of the people that I know and love so much, this will probably be a cathartic journey in the sense that Half Empty was written about an emotional bond in my life that means a great deal to me. Seeing good friends of mine work so hard to bring my words to life onstage means even more than I can begin to describe. I love my Denton friends more than I can possibly say, and if things don't end up well here in Shreveport, you can bet I'm turning around and coming home. (...again. At least this time, unlike when I was at GCC, I have found a group of people that I fit well with, and accept me. This makes a move back home much less likely.)

I am especially looking forward to spending time with Deni; it is no great secret that Half Empty was based partly on our everlasting friendship, and I wholly expect to have a fabulous time in her company. I also cannot wait to spend some time with my parents, whom I cannot thank nearly enough for all that they have done and are continuing to do for me. They are a couple of such amazing, thoughtful, selfless, and caring individuals that I am SO proud and grateful to call Mom and Dad. Additionally, I expect to enjoy seeing my grandmother, whose health has confined her to a nursing home since her stroke in November, and the Gallagher clan, who, despite the fact that my relationship with one Joey Gallagher ended a year and a half ago, have all continued to remain close friends that I can assuredly call a second family.

So it seems safe to say that this will most likely be one of the best weekends of my life. Things here in Shreveport have gotten kind of rocky lately (financially, that is), and the stress of that has taken a small toll on my psyche. I am ecstatic to know that I will be taking a mini-vacation to a land chock full of love, warmth, and all that fuzzy feel-good Lifetime TV stuff. :-P

In other, less fuzzy wuzzy bullshit news, Infamous has been going well, though we still don't have financial backing in any form. :-( Viewership seems to be climbing, though, and I am excited to say that I have a character on the show that will be introduced in Episode 7. My first scene (with the talented Mr. James Palmer) was filmed this past Sunday. I won't give any more details than that, but definitely stay tuned.

One last thing - Script Frenzy started today! I have my script in mind, but I need to work out details in a treatment before I start writing the actual script. The title I'm toying with in my head is Under the Cyprus Tree. Wish me luck; I've never finished a feature-length script in my life, much less in thirty days, so I'll need all the good vibes I can get!

Peace out. See you in Denton. :-)

Are all people this complicated?

In my last post, I talked about "finding myself." Well, while the "secret blog" hasn't really helped so much with that, I've still been thinking about myself, trying to find my footing in this world. My conclusion thus far is that I have so many facets to my personality, and I don't know how on earth to merge them into a singular personality that is the me I should be all the time. Does that even make sense? It's just that I have so many interests and moods that they're hard to keep track of and satisfied all the time. Often, when one emerges, the others tend to disappear for a time. Here are a few parts of me that seem to be at least a little consistent:

+ The Actress.

This is probably the strongest of 'em all, as it is a rare moment when I don't want to be in front of a camera or audience. Most people seem to know this one about me, so I don't feel much of a need to go in depth.

+ The Artist.

Not very consistent at all, yet somehow everyone seems to know this one about me as well. I am only in the mood to draw on certain occasions; however, the IDEA of drawing is always appealing to me. It's good to know I have talent here, however small or large. This part of me is not very hard to merge with the rest, usually.

+ The Writer.

This one isn't quite consistent either, but with the premiere of "Half Empty" this weekend, I think people are starting to realize that this one exists in me as well. However, many famous writers, including J. Michael Straczynski, noted as the creator of Babylon 5 among a zillion other amazing scripts, has said that one is either born a writer, or is not. This is something that, living with a definite born writer, I have been questioning in myself a lot lately. Throughout my life, I have written a good many poems, and have started on a number of stories and scripts, but am I a true writer? Sometimes I burn to write, and sometimes... well, I don't. The most successful and truest writers are those who write all the time, which I definitely don't. So I have to wonder, am I really a writer?

+ The Pagan.

This one is really embarrassing for me. Really embarrassing. Why? I think it's because of some stupid things I did as a child, not fully understanding Paganism/Wicca as a religion, and it led to a lot of teasing and stupid questions. Plus, I know the majority of people out there think it's a lot of horse shit. Well, I don't blame them, but mainly because I don't think they know fully what it is. It's really not a lot of different from most any other religion, just with different details, a lot of theatricality (hmm, wonder why I love it so much...), and more of an emphasis on the mystical. It still teaches you the Golden Rule of "Do unto others" and whatnot. The media has gotten the whole thing all wrong, so I have a hard time "coming out of the broom closet" when I am aware of all of the preconceived notions about this form of spirituality. Also, I know a lot of people who aren't spiritual at all, and think ALL religion is horse shit. Well, who wants to be thought of as some batshit crazy kook? Not me, that's for sure. So... while I like this part of myself, I have an especially hard time integrating it into the rest of my life.

+ The Goth.

This one has kind of died since mid-high school, but sometimes I still want to revive it. I can't help but love gobs of black eyeliner, Hot Topic, and all things Tim Burton. I think my biggest beef with trying to go back to these roots is that a) it takes a lot of effort to do it right, and b) I don't want to fuck it up and look like I'm trying too hard. So, I don't try at all. And now it's kind of dead. :-(

+ The Fashionista.

This is the exact opposite of the above persona, but takes just as much effort. In my horrible tendency toward indecision, I usually just do nothing, and result in making no fashion statement at all with my comfy jeans and t-shirts. Plus, jeans and t-shirts are just that - comfy.

+ The Nerd.

Sometimes I nerd out and want to play video games and RPGs, and watch a lot of Buffy, Doctor Who, or something related. This isn't so embarrassing, especially since I hang out with similar folk, but it's not always there. I often feel like this part of me, when it surfaces, negates all of those above "artsy" personas, because when I get in this mood, I don't feel creative at all. Which is weird, because Travis is totally opposite: he wants to write this stuff. I don't, I like to write about real life taking place in this world, so I feel all self-contradictory when I'm in this mode. I also feel all weird about it when I get into the fantasy element of it, because things like Buffy, Charmed, and Harry Potter perpetuate the misconceptions that my Pagan personality is so against, yet I can't help but enjoy them.

And there are so many more of these little moods and personality facets that don't surface nearly as often, but are still there inside nonetheless. So, I have to say, what the hell? Does everyone struggle to deal with these self-contradicting aspects of themselves? Well, at least I know that the majority of these aspects of my personality are very "fringe"; I'm definitely not a mainstream girl. But my interests and moods span such a wide variety anyway that it's hard to find a niche where I'm always happy.

Okay, my brain's starting to hurt, so I think it's time to put the introspection on hold and go... well, I dunno which of these moods I'm in now, but go do SOMETHING else. :-)

Secret Spot (Kinda)

I've started a new blog in on an undisclosed website. Why, you may ask, when I already have this one?

I would like a space that I can just say whatever I want without fear of judgment from my friends, however irrational this fear may be - logically I know I should just be myself and not CARE what people think, but I do anyway. This blog is linked to my Facebook, where 99% of my friends (and a couple of family members) can read it. It is my public face, something we all have, whether we want to admit it or not.

The reason for my private blog is so that I can test the waters and experiment with certain thoughts and feelings with total strangers (if anyone at all - I doubt very few, if any, will look into my blog among the thousands, millions of others online) until I feel confident enough in said thoughts and feelings to merge them with my public self. In other words, I am going to go "find myself." By myself. You're not invited (yet). Sorry.

It's just that I'm just sick of being so effing insecure, and I'm going to do something about it. It's high time that I start understanding, accepting, and even loving, who I am. So, while I will continue to post here from time to time to update you wonderful people with what's up in my life, I'm going to reserve my more insecure moments (which are most of my moments, at this point) for my "secret spot."

Peace and love,

Melanie

Sick / All the time

New poem. Not my best, but I like it nevertheless.

Sick / All the time

Sick of the emptiness,

Of the millions of burnt out stars

That we don’t even know

Lost their light

Hundreds or thousands of years ago.

Sick of the darkness

That we don’t even know

Envelopes us,

Even now.

Sick of the dead gazes

From eyes that have lost so much

That we don’t even know,

As we peer into the mirror,

Are our own.

So tuck me into bed tonight,

And let me sleep forever,

Because I don’t wanna live in a world

Where everything doesn’t sparkle

All the time.

And love never stops

Filling you to the brim

Till your face hurts

From smiling

All the time.

And life is just

One enormous embrace

That never feels like

You’re suffocating;

Just warmth

All the time.

MW 2010